my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
