i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
