this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
