I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize