I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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