I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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