I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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