There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
