Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
