You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
