Having a random hookup so left but love u
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
