This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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