I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
