Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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