I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
