I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
