Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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