i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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