Are we in a gay sports bar?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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