I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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