Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
