Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
