I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
