it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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