you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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