I feel like abortions should bother me more
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
