Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
