Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
