I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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