Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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