Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
