it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found your dick twin last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
