I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
