If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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