After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
