I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
