i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
third nipple confirmed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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