So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
