I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
