I look better un-naked...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize