Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
