tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
