i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize