I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
