Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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