i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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