I hate your face
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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