I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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