I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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