can u get pink eye on your cock?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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