mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
