Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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