as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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