I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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