New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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