I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
