That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
