I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
