Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
