At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
