Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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