just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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