awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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