wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Houston, we have a blender
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
